the words have gone when infants never drew breath themselves never – felt the sunshine knew a word only blasts dust bullet showers cold they could not breathe alone an army cheered victory over corpses you could fit in your palm A family buried alive in rubble hear kin weep and scream and thirst in…
Fragments: Is there a R*ssian soul?
Fragments written 19 October 2022, musings on books read. You meant to come back to it. You thought on it so often. You wondered. But you couldn’t write it. So here’s the deal: write it, and don’t read it back. And one day, maybe at a future border where a stamp hovers above a passport,…
Sirin
There is a three-and-a-half minute gap in my memory. I remember everything before. I remember standing on concrete and wiping the soles of my feet with a pole towel because of grease smudge on the staircase down from the green room. I remember lying on a stage behind a red curtain. The starting position was…
Blood
This time, it’s a screenshot of a WhatApp message that freezes my stomach with dread and makes me want to vomit. It happens regularly now. Sometimes only from thought, other times it’s an image. It’s a message from a family member in Russia, in the previously beloved Saint Petersburg. Before, a video sent – young…
A Siren Story: Selfie and Psyche
New guest blog post at Sky Sirens’ Siren Stories. “Selfie and Psyche” is an exploration of mirrors, self-reflection, aerials and body. While Sydney is currently in lockdown, I’m re-reading these words as though written by someone else. It’s a strange and alienating experience. Where women take photos of themselves – though this generally applies to…
The Deborah Cass Prize for Writing 2020: “Birch”
In October 2020 I wrote about being short-listed for The Deborah Cass Prize for Writing. This moment floored me. It signified validation for a manuscript I have nurtured, abhorred and distrusted in various measure over the course of years, largely because of its underlying personal nature. A part of me believes that every writer’s first…
Heroines Women’s Writing Prize 2020: “Grey Wolf”
On 15 November 2020 I read aloud in public for the first time. Like many others, I am horrified at the prospect of public speaking, and yet, in the same vein of other events during the past two years, it was a moment of needing to conquer a fear. I read an excerpt from Grey…
Mirror and Reflection and Lyra
I began this post this on 16 July 2020, and in the time since, have thought about my ambivalence and the extent to which my writing on this theme is obfuscated. It lives in the margins. I wore a metal-boned corset to write, black lace. And heels – Pleasers, 7-inch, shiny leather. I never thought…
NaNoWriMo 2020
A note: 20 October 2020. I have just now created a copy of a document I last opened in 2018. In 11 days, I will again try to complete NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). The goal is simple enough: 50,000 words in 30 days – simple enough when broken down into elements of words, characters,…
Shortlisted: Heroines and Deborah Cass
Surprising no one who knows me, I cried on September 4 and October 12. On September 4, I found out I was short-listed for the Heroines Women’s Writing Prize. This was news beyond expectation for the first short story I’ve written this year. It’s a story that rends apart the classic Russian fable ‘Ivan and…
Dasha Maiorova 